i wish i knew how you felt

you don't know

how much you broke me.

i've just been wondering why it is, that i still care, and why i still miss you?
really, why?
what have you done good for me?
sure, we had a great time, to me, that's how i view it at least..and i really miss it but you choose to let it all go?

it doesn't help that i keep dreaming about you.
you coming back.

half of me really wishes that i didn't care at all so when i saw things, it wouldn't hurt.

the other half of me has no choice.

you said
that it was never that you didn't love me.

i'm sitting here wondering,why do i still care?

i'm confused.

it's just that, we had so much
i haven't talked to you in a while, i haven't seen you in an even longer while.
and now it all feels like it was just a dream

you can't just forget about me, can you?

i know

things have changed, and we are different.
but i would really love to uh, say, re-get-to-know you :)

i had a dream that

i got an english bulldog and a really tiny kitten.

it was exciting but then i woke up ha

do you remember?

that one night at the beach when i watched ufc fights &cuddled with you until we fell asleep?
and the early morning where we got up and walked to see the sunrise, then went back to the condo and watched pokemon & laughed,and fell asleep again?
& experiencing the boardwalk with me?
:) those are some really good memories, i miss it. i miss you heh

just in case

you may be wondering..
i miss everything about you.

"You know what? I can get a couple of my brother's loser ass friends to go over to Mason's apartment , knock on the door and when he opens it wham! They'll junk-punch him all up in his man business and he'll fall to the floor whaling and crying "why?" and then we'll say "you know why!"

--what happens in Vegas

if i really love you, i will let you go

What exactly needs explanation?


The fact that I've been
waiting around like a moron...


hoping that one day you'll actually
feel about me the way I feel about you?


Or the fact that you're so obsessed
with your future...


that y-you completely forget about everyone
that you're supposed to give a shit about?


I'm not waiting anymore. I'm done.


I may not know exactly what my future
looks like, but I do know one thing.


You're not in it.

--post grad

Don't look back all you'll ever get is the dust from the steps before
I don't have to see you every day, but I just want to know you're there

i'm tired

physically, emotionally.

i'm tired of bothering people with my problems.
because that is all i seem to do anymore. just bother you who i talk to.

everyone is tired of hearing it.
i don't know what to do or where to turn.
but i can't talk to YOU anymore. i just bug you.
like everyone else.
thought we could still talk or something.
thought i could still ask about your day.
but i don't know.

tired of being lost and confused.

:/
you just left me here to be like this. i miss you.

you still care.

time is all i need to give this, whatever "This" is.

ughh it's sooo hard.

i wish you still acted like you cared.
i wish i wasn't too nice to you.
because well you aren't that nice to me.
and i really miss you.

i don't know why though, considering you don't seem to want to have anything to do with me.

:/

TIME is all i need to give this, i keep telling myself.
but i just want to know whats going on with you...
is that so bad?


i should just hate you and get it over with.
then nothing would matter.

you're not the same, so it should be easier to get over you, right?

yeah, well, it isn't.
i never wanted to throw away everything we had.
i still don't.
i don't think you do either. but i don't know for sure.
i still want to be in your life and me be in yours but it seems that it just can't be that way right now for a lot of reasons, i guess.
reasons that i don't even know, or quite understand.
but i miss you.
i still have feelings for you.

i probably always will.
and, i just, i kinda hope that you do too.
even though i am "hard to talk to" and stuff.that sucked to hear. after all we have been through, and i'm not easy to talk to? you loved me, or still do somehow, maybe not.

well, this is me, and what i have to offer.
there it is.

those are all of my feelings. and i miss you. or the old you?

hm.
this hasn't and won't be easy for me.

siiiighhh

hmph.

i miss you.

yeah..

i dunno anymore.
i know that you still care i just really wish you had some more respect for me.
and i have to hear all of this crap later from other people that you did behind my back,
these things hurt.
really bad. and make me feel like you really don't give a poop about how i feel.
but you do.

i wish you could have regarded my feelings a bit too, rather than going ahead and moving on with someone else. talking to her.
that hurts too.
i don't know what you guys have done.
kissing, cuddling?
other things?
i don't know.
but it hurts.

So please please please
let me, let me, let me
let me get what I want
this time

maybe, i'll be okay.

"I don't know what to tell you to get over him. I know it hurts and it'll take time.
But truthfully, Gretchen. You were way too good for him.
You are definitely one of the most gorgeous girls I have ever seen. Inside and out, even though I don't know you so well, everyone can see this.
He is such a fool to pass you up.
And he is acting so childish."

but for now, it is unfortunately a love/hate kinda thing in my mind.

i may already be gone in yours...

YOU'RE all so annoying.
i hate having to see you guys talking.
it sucks.
i hate you. but not really. i just miss who you used to be. so different now.
i should probably make a box for all of your crap now.

i need to move on like you did.
without you.

i miss you.

i hate that i still love you.

you know i'm such a fool for you

you've got me wrapped around your finger

do you have to let it linger

if

you don't love me anymore then why do i still love you?

WHY

why is this happening to me?
whyyy do i even care?
WHY do i care?

you go off and move on because hey, that's what life does, it moves on.

but what about me.

what about the one that didn't want to move on.

i get shoved to the side.

i'm so frustrated, so mad. so upset. so everything.

CAN I GET A BIG

FUCK YOU?

yeah. fuck you.

i'm so tired of being in this daze thinking you MAY come back. bullshit.
i don't even know if you really care. you don't love me.
i'm beginning to doubt you. but you don't care.

i want to ask so badly

how are you?
how was your day yesterday? and work?

i MISSS you so much it really does hurt. it hurts. i don't want to be sitting around wondering what's going on anymore but i can't help it.

i'm afraid to try to talk to you because you might not talk back.

i've been hurting..

i've been trying to ignore it all.
but i can't.
nothing will go away, my thoughts of you won't go away.
and it isn't that i want them to, oh i really don't, i just want to feel like you.
i know this is easier for you than i.
i hope you miss me.
because i miss you, a whole lot.


i'm tired of being sad, it isn't fair
i wish none of this ever happened.
if it was up to me..we would still be together.
i'm still in love with you.

i hope you come around, and talk to me sometime soon..because its taking every thing in me right now to not talk to you.
everything.

you said i am perfect for you.
you wish i could have come along later in life.
well maybe i still will, and maybe then you will still love me, and i'll still love you.

i hope i don't sound pathetic, but i probably do. this is my only way of getting everything out without ever directly talking to you.
you probably don't really read this.

i miss you. i hope you miss me too..

don't tell me i deserve better .. i don't deserve anything, if i don't deserve you.

funny?

when i go back and read the posts form when everything sucks and im going through a hard time wondering why you don't want to talk to me, i kind of know why now.. i guess...

hekgemafd

miss you.

this whole blog is really only for my benefit.

for venting& things..and really , i just want to keep this paragraph..forever.

who would i like to meet? someone who's everything im not. a blast of color, full of hope and quirks. i alrdy met her :) her name is gretchen and she's wonderful. she makes me feel amazing. this might sound a little cliché, but i feel like i'm on top of the world when i'm with her. i'm the luckiest guy ever, and i'd do anything just to make her smile, or to hear her laugh. i want her to be happy, she deserves it. and she makes me happy. we're so happy together. i just don't want it to end. ever. 8.24.07


i wish you still felt that way :(

why'd you have to do this to me?
of all times, now?
right before my birthday, right after school is out...the beginning of summer?

this hurts.
my mom just wants me to go to the beach for my birthday but i'm not in the mood..
plus i don't know who i would take with me.

if everything i have been hearing is true, i'm going to be broken.
i'm going to be DONE.

i don't know what to do.

you are a different person now. why should i miss you?

fuck it

you all can't keep lying to me forever...
im tired of hearing all of these damn stories..

i just want the mother fucking truth.

dear blog...

i never knew this would be so hard...

i can't

i can't bring myself to make this break up permanent yet..
i don't think its over
no no no Rgr
fh

:'(

i'm a mess.

i hate feeling like this

like, i am so not included, feeling like i know nothing that's going on

i know that i love just laying around with you and whatnot,
but we never go out anywhere anymore..we never have the time..
and it's disappointing to me, and i get jealous that you'll go out and have fun with everyone else but me lately.

NEED TO RANT

LOVE how everyone in the world expect me gets to hang out with MY boyfriend.